woes of Adulthood

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I have a confession. Along with leaving the church I also made a big decision and cut of all connection with my father.

And to clear the air no this is not solely because I’ve made the choice to leave the LDS religion. Weather you believe me or not that’s your choice, this is my space to vent and I promise I wouldn’t put lies out there.

It’s not a easy choice to make. I’ve cried on more then one occasion about it. However, I do not regret it. I do not know when I’ll connect with him again or if I will. I’m not writing this to be vengeful I’m writing this to put it out there. I want my family to know. I love my dad I do. He has hurt me though. For a very long time and I’ve taken it without question because I want to be loved and cared for.

But as an adult I’ve come to realize that this relationship has become toxic. I do not know why I have these feelings. I don’t know why I become tongue tied every time I try to stick up for myself. I’m also not sure why thinking about it .. the whole choice and situation puts me into a black, empty hole. But . It. Does.

I’m going to get help as soon as I can. I want to understand my pain. Why I have it. Where it came from. For now though, this choice has brought me happiness. I’m not sure how appropriate it is to put this out there. To the whole world. But I needed to.